How to Talk to Your Partner About Starting Therapy

In any relationship, communication is the foundation that fosters understanding, trust, and emotional intimacy. However, when one or both partners are struggling with mental health challenges, unresolved trauma, or relationship difficulties, those conversations can become strained. Therapy can be an invaluable tool to help individuals and couples navigate these challenges, but bringing up the topic with your partner can feel intimidating. If you’re wondering how to approach this conversation in a way that is supportive, compassionate, and productive, this guide is for you! 

1. Understanding the Stigma and Hesitations:

Before initiating the conversation, it’s important to acknowledge that seeking therapy can be a sensitive topic for many people. Some individuals associate therapy with weakness or failure, while others may fear judgment or feel apprehensive about the process itself. Your partner may have grown up in a household where mental health was not openly discussed, making the idea of therapy unfamiliar or even uncomfortable.

It’s crucial to approach the conversation with empathy. If you anticipate resistance, take a moment to consider your partner’s perspective. What fears or misconceptions might they have? How can you reassure them that therapy is not about blaming or finding faults but rather about growth and support?

2. Choose the Right Time and Setting:

Timing and environment play a significant role in how well your conversation will be received. Bringing up therapy in the middle of an argument or during a stressful moment is unlikely to yield positive results. Instead, choose a time when both of you are relaxed and open to discussion. A quiet evening at home, a walk together, or even a casual coffee date could provide the right atmosphere for an open and honest dialogue.

If your partner feels cornered or pressured, they may shut down or become defensive. By creating a safe and neutral space for the discussion, you increase the chances of a meaningful and productive conversation.

3. Frame It as a Team Effort:

Instead of presenting therapy as something your partner "needs" to do, emphasize how it can benefit both of you. If your partner feels singled out, they may become defensive. Rather than saying, "I think you need therapy," try phrasing it in a way that highlights partnership and mutual growth: "I care about you and our relationship, and I think therapy could help us understand each other better." or "I’ve been thinking about ways we can strengthen our communication, and I wonder if therapy might be helpful." or "I know life has been stressful lately, and I want us both to have the tools to navigate it in a healthy way." By framing therapy as a shared investment in your relationship’s well-being, you help remove the stigma and create an opportunity for collaboration rather than criticism.

4. Share Personal Experiences or Observations:

If you’ve personally benefited from therapy, sharing your experience can make the idea feel more approachable. You might say: "I used to be unsure about therapy, but when I tried it, I found it really helpful for processing my thoughts and feelings." or "Talking to someone outside of our situation helped me gain a new perspective and better ways to cope." or "I’ve noticed I sometimes struggle with expressing my emotions, and therapy has been a great way for me to work on that." If you haven’t been to therapy yourself but have noticed patterns in your relationship that could improve, gently bring them up. Use "I" statements to express your feelings rather than "you" statements that might sound accusatory: or "I sometimes feel like we keep having the same disagreements, and I’d love to explore ways to communicate more effectively." or "I’ve noticed that when we’re both stressed, it’s harder for us to connect the way we used to. Maybe therapy could help us navigate that."

5. Address Their Concerns Without Judgment:

If your partner is hesitant, listen to their concerns with an open mind. They might worry about the cost, the time commitment, or whether therapy will actually help. Avoid dismissing their concerns and instead validate their feelings while offering reassurance: "I completely understand why you might feel uncertain. Would you be open to doing a little research together about how therapy works?" or "I get that you’re worried about the cost, but maybe we can look into insurance options or sliding-scale therapists." or "It’s totally normal to feel nervous about opening up to someone new. We can take it at a pace that feels comfortable for you." By approaching their concerns with empathy and patience, you’re more likely to create an open dialogue rather than a defensive reaction.

6. Suggest Starting Small: 

If your partner is resistant to the idea of therapy, suggesting a small step rather than a full commitment can make it feel less daunting. For example: "How about just one session to see how it feels? There’s no pressure to continue if you don’t find it helpful." or "Would you be open to reading an article or listening to a podcast together about relationships and mental health?" or "Maybe we could try a session of couples therapy together, just to explore it and see if it resonates with us." Sometimes, the fear of the unknown is what makes therapy seem intimidating. Offering a low-pressure way to ease into it can help your partner feel more in control of the process.

7. Consider Couples Therapy or Inviting Your Partner to a Session: 

If your partner is hesitant about individual therapy, couples therapy can be a great alternative. It provides a structured space where both of you can work through challenges together with the guidance of a professional. You can suggest it by saying: "I’d love for us to go to couples therapy together to learn new ways to support each other." or "Even if we’re doing well, therapy can help us strengthen our relationship and prevent future issues." or "I’ve heard that couples therapy isn’t just for when things are bad; it’s a great way to build a stronger connection." Another option is inviting your partner to join one of your therapy sessions. If you’re already in therapy, your therapist may allow a partner to attend for a session or two to discuss specific concerns in a safe environment. You could say: "I’ve been talking to my therapist about ways to improve our relationship, and they suggested we could have a session together if you’re open to it." or "Would you be interested in coming to one of my sessions? It might give us both a chance to communicate with support." This can be a gentle introduction to therapy without requiring your partner to fully commit to their own sessions right away.

8. Respect Their Decision, But Keep the Door Open: 

At the end of the day, therapy is a personal choice. If your partner isn’t ready, pushing them too hard might create resistance rather than openness. However, that doesn’t mean the conversation has to end permanently. If they aren’t on board right now, you can say something like: "I respect your feelings, and I don’t want to pressure you. If you ever change your mind, I’d love to revisit the conversation." or "No matter what, I’m here to support you in whatever way feels right for you." or "It’s okay if you’re not ready. Just know that if you ever want to explore it, I’m happy to help." By leaving the door open, you allow your partner to consider therapy at their own pace rather than feeling forced into it.

Final Thoughts

Starting a conversation about therapy with your partner may feel challenging, but it’s an important step toward fostering emotional well-being, both individually and as a couple. By approaching the topic with care, empathy, and patience, you create an opportunity for honest dialogue and potential growth.